The past week has been really bizarre and full of more emotions than usual. I don’t think it’s a big secret that I’m not great with emotions. You know, after the emotional holocaust of 2011 and the winter of my discontent, I don’t even really have muscle memory of real human emotions.
Except when I sometimes remember that Amy Winehouse is dead or that AALIYAH (Aaliyah!!!) is still dead. I also sometimes cry during my dancing television show or during marriage proposals on reality shows. I actually do cry a lot about things that have no bearing on my life at all. (Except for Kidd Kraddick. I didn’t cry about that, I’m not a radio listener. CDs>iPod>iPhone. No radio.)
But last Thursday things changed a bit. Perhaps it’s because I was a newly formed 31 year old and all of my emotional wisdom decided to catch up with me. But back to the story. I thought my parents were calling me to tell me what a delight I’ve been for 31 years and how thrilled they still are that I was born. But no. They were actually calling to tell me about some health issues my dad had been having.
And that hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve come face to face with my parents’ immortality before during the breast cancer and the prostate cancer and the treatments for both but maybe I never REALLY stopped to think about it.
And then I proceeded to get very dramatic about it. Cried for hours. Cried at WORK which I loathe. I was thinking, WHAT IF MY DAD NEVER GETS TO SEE ME GET MARRIED?! HAVE KIDS?! WHAT IF HE’S NOT PROUD OF ME AND SOMETHING HAPPENS?! See how easily I made a medical issue about him suddenly all about me?
But it really scared the shit out of me. And those things scared me. And I started wondering what my mom would do. If she’d move in with me and we’d get all Grey Gardens and I’d immediately start wrapping everything in bubble wrap.
But realistically, how would she get help with the Internet? Who would help her with the remotes? Who would paint her nails? (Sidenote- my mom goes to a fancy manicurist but I think my dad saw in a movie once a guy painting his lady’s nails and he really liked that and thought it was romantic so I’ve seen him paint my mom’s nails more than once. He likes it.) And I was just thinking about her all alone in that big house just listening to sports radio, just heartbroken and sad and just thinking about it kind of broke my heart.
Luckily, what my dad has is NOT life threatening and he’s going to be having surgery next week so I don’t have to really deal with all these issues yet.
But shit, emotions are hard! I teared up just writing about this so I’m glad to know I’m still human and still capable of caring about the important things in life. Perhaps emotions are worth my time… Intrigue…
That’s my dad, before I came along and turned his hair grey.